Psychologists have applied themselves to one of the big questions in life: what makes a good chat up line?
The article in the Independent on Sunday made excruciating reading. I feel really quite relieved that men don't try to chat me up – it's enough to put me off the lot of you for life.
I once broached the subject with male friends at uni. My friend and I, who aren't totally unattractive (we're not quite the back end of buses), were never approached by men when we were out. We put it down to the fact that we were always with a group of lads. They put us straight. T and I had 'f**k off vibes'. People were too scared to walk up to us. Laugh, we almost cried. I now realise we had a lucky escape.
The lines with the best chance of succeeding are apparently those 'reflecting the man's ability to take control of the situation, his wealth, education or culture, and spontaneous wit'.
These are the best of the lot (allegedly). My responses are in italics.
'It's hot today isn't it? It's the best weather when you're training for a marathon'. Which one? My boyfriend has run over 50 including a 24 hour race. How many have you done (liar)?
'The Moonlight Sonata or, to give it it's true name, Sonata quasi una fantasia. A fittingly beautiful piece for a beautiful lady'. I can play it on the piano. Name the language, the composer and then piss off.
'I'm sorry but I think you owe me a drink. I just looked at you and dropped mine!' More fool you.
Can you boys do any better?