Sunday, February 24, 2008

A week in the sun

Holiday company hierarchies

Families with very small children.

Families with bigger children.

Families with teenagers.

Groups of three or more.

The hierarchy for boarding coaches from the airport to hotels last night. Thirteen hour delay.

“Well, we must be next,” I said to C. cheerfully. “They can't do much to pigeon-hole couples.”.

“Don't bet on it,” replied a voice from behind me. “Married. Living in sin. And then us. Sodomites.”.

Books Etc

The shop assistant scanned the three books I had placed on the counter. Slowly, very slowly, he raised his head from the till and fixed me a long hard stare.

“Heavy duty...”, he commented.

I smiled. “And?”

He hesitated.

“And male”.

I laughed. “Holiday reading”, I replied.

Conspiratorially, confidingly, he lent forward over the counter. “People at Canary Wharf buy trash to take on vacation”.

He withdrew, pulling himself up straight. Admiringly.

Nabakov. Chekov. Hamilton.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Things that have been said to me today

1. Pupil: Don't you think you should have a baby soon? You are getting on a bit.

2. Work Dad (leaping off chair): Those stockings are too sexy for work. You can't interview in them. Are there any male candidates? You're putting them at a disadvantage. You need to think before you get dressed in the morning.