July 2003
Nearly hospitalised by a Staphylococcus Aureus infection caught through a bite on my leg. Multiple injections, antibiotics and the risk of getting septicaemia.

July 2004
Another visit to the hospital. Eye swollen to the size of a golfball due to a bite.

August 2006
Sod the visit to the hospital. I know what they are going to say. Eye swollen to the size of a golfball due to a bite. Combined with my fetching sunburn I look like a freak.

All of these bites have been sustained in my sleep - despite the fact we close the windows early in an attempt to stop the critters getting in. I do get quite annoyed about this. The neighbours have the lights on, windows open. Why are they not getting bitten to buggery? Why do they not look like elephant woman when they get up?

I knew we had visitors when I woke up in the night. C. and his pillow had decamped to the front room. He rarely gets bitten but cannot sleep for the murderous sound they make buzzing round your head. Me? Pull the sheet up and hope for the best. It's only the really horrible specimens who go for what's left - eyelids - and they seem to like mine.

Some still believe they are good old-fashioned English gnats whereas I have now found evidence to say they are mosquitos (evil foreign bastards from the Continent). The council's fact sheet (useless as far as I am concerned in a first-floor gardenless flat) points out they are culex mosquitos which makes not a jot of difference to me and my bites other than it is reassuring to know I'm unlikey to contract maleria.