1. Calling your children by a biblical name rather than Tyrone or Tyreece means they will grow up good (young lad; 87 bus from Barking to Romford).
2. Imported, out of season strawberries are still good for the cellulite round the bottom of your buttocks (twenty-something Scouser; Tesco, Canary Wharf).
3. Although there are too many f**king foreigners asking for directions in London, you cannot ignore them just in case you go to their country (late-twenties, East Ender; Matter of Time pub, Mile End).